Sunset Soon Forgotten

I don't know what it is.

This utter need to be loved. This desperation for reciprocated feelings that I've been working towards for most of my life. And I don't know why.

I mean.
For as long as I can remember, all I've wanted is love. And who doesn't, really? Everyone wants to feel love in their lives. It's what drives people.
But for me, it's been this thing that's been slightly out of reach, making me want it even more.

I'm a huge romantic.
Stuff I write and think and do would probably make most men shudder with fear.
I'm always down for commitment.

You like me?
Well I like you.
Let's date for years.
Let's talk about stuff. Who needs the whole, "Well...I'm just gonna hide my true feelings and maybe you'll eventually get the hint" crap?
Eff that. Just talk to me. Wade through all of the bullshit that you want to shovel my way and just say it.

And that scares people. Being real and honestly talking about stuff scares the hell out of people, and I've never understood it. Why would you want to start confusion? Why would you want to send mixed signals? Cause it's easier than hurting someone? I would rather be told it wasn't working out than to continue to put time and effort into a lost cause.

I'm a big boy.
I'll get over it.

And all of this.
All of this risk in taking chances and actually going for it but instead sitting by the sidelines trying not to get hurt is ridiculous. I realize people have had tough experiences in the past and they're afraid of getting hurt again, but come on. You're never gonna get passed that fear if you're letting it make your choices for you.

I don't know.
Love is exciting.
It's dangerous and uncertain and thrilling and unrealistic and something that I probably look forward to way too much.
Real, honest, "let's sit around and do nothing but still have the best time" love.

And it's sappy.
I'm sappy.
But I wouldn't have it any other way.

Rereading this, I'm realizing how jumbled it all is. No real order, and I'll be honest, this is mostly word vomit because it's the only real way I know how to cope.