Little Lion Man

The first summer after college is kind of a weird thing...

A year ago I remember thinking that things would definitely be different by the time I was back, but I didn't expect things to change so drastically so quickly.

Not that I hate it at all.
I'm usually okay with change.
Change is cool.
Yay change!

I guess I thought I would care more or something.
I've lost friends.
Great friends who I thought I would talk to and hang out with for a while, and it didn't really change my life. Actually putting that into words is a little weird, and looks a little awful, but it's the truth. We went to talking almost every day to going weeks without contact.

I thought, "Yeah, I'll be back and we'll all be a little different thats for sure, but it won't be too bad."
Instead, we all kind of changed a ton. Some...well actually, a lot seemed to decrease in age. It was as if the only thing that college taught them was that everything is possible through a constant state of inebriation.

Whoops.

I'm not really sure why it is that it hasn't affected me me that much.
Am I putting the blame on them?
Sometimes I do that. I convince myself that I was the right one, even if I was obviously the one to ruin things just so I don't hurt as much. I'm not sure if that was the case here, but it's certainly an option. I'm not even sure if this whole friend issue is something I should be worrying about.


I'm not sure about a lot of things I guess.


I mean, I would love to say that everything going back to the way it was would make my day, but I don't think that would be the case.
In losing some relationships, I've gained new ones that I wouldn't give up for anything.


And I think I like it that way.

She Was Only In It For The Rain

So I haven't written one of these in a million years.

(Just checked. It's been 14 days. Oops.)

Why haven't I been writing you say?

I'm not sure if I have a good answer for you.
This is my blog.
I can do what I want, when I want.
So.
Get over it.
Stop asking!

But in the time that I haven't been writing on here, I started something new. Not really a blog. More like a journal. Which is kind of what this is, but my journal is a bit more uncensored (Yikes!). Well, not really uncensored. More like unedited. There's only been one entry in it, but I just kind of wrote down everything I was feeling without really thinking about it.

Which is kind of what I wanted this to be.
A place to kind of vent about random crap that didn't really matter.
It started that way, I think, and in a way it kind of still is, I just have to take out all the important stuff so nobody knows who or what it's really about, and that's not really how things should go, is it?

We hide our true feelings so that no one gets hurt.
We put on some stupid mask that tells everyone, "I'm good, don't worry about me," but really we're crumbling away inside.
We laugh, make jokes, and continue as normal so that we don't have to deal with everyone asking what is wrong, and then have to explain your mess of a situation to anyone.

So why haven't I been writing lately?
Maybe I'm scared to talk about the serious stuff that I really want to talk about.
Maybe I'm ready to take off the mask and be a little more real.

Don't get me wrong though, you won't return to find a huge cryfest on here, but it might be a little different.
Or maybe I'll change my mind in the next few days and completely throw out everything I just said.
But I doubt it.

So think of this as a slight reboot.
Nothing to be afraid of.
Every title will still be the name of a song.
I'll still say oops in almost every one.
It'll just be a little bit less edited I guess.

So.
Here.
We.
Go.

Yellow Cat (Slash) Red Cat

Allergies are the worst thing to ever plague mankind.

Bubonic Plague?
Malaria?
Swine Flu?

You've all been dethroned by the Springtime Allergy.
It almost makes me not want to have eyes or a nose.

There are few things that actually get me seriously pissed off (Don't ever flick me in the ear, or you'll find out exactly what I mean). Allergies are definitely at the top of the hate list though.

Example:
I sneezed 16 times the other day (Yes, I kept track).
16 times!!
Do you know how obnoxious that is?
So obnoxious, that's how obnoxious it is.

There's nothing you can really do about it either. Taking Claritin helps maybe half the time, and eye drops sometimes just make things worse. I know I just have to wait it out because its pretty much summer anyway and I'll be fine in a few weeks, but these allergies are just making it seem never ending.

Okay.
There's my small, angry rant.
Off to bed now.