I have a problem.
Not a huge problem.
In fact, it's barely a problem at all. More like a nuisance. An annoying little thing that doesn't really matter, but still gets to me constantly.
I stutter.
Everything is entering my brain so fast and I want to say so many things that it doesn't really come out clearly. It's not extreme, but if you have spent more than 5 minutes with me, you know what I'm talking about. It's a hard thing to describe. Sometimes it happens, and sometimes it doesn't, but when it does it's a hard thing to get under control. I'll have to stop and collect myself and talk slower or just say something else entirely.
Usually when you think of stuttering, a scrawny, geeky kid comes to mind. A cute girl walks up and asks him a question, only to have his mind explode. He doesn't know what to say, his words don't make sense, and he's probably stuttering a lot.
While my mind doesn't explode into utter nonsense, and it's not the nervousness that triggers it, I do get incredibly embarrassed whenever it happens. When people point it out, I try to act cool about it, but how cool can you really act when all you did is repeat a few words and syllables for a good 30 seconds?
I mean, I can't really help it. All I can really do is talk slower and think more about what I'm gonna say, which never really happens anyway. On occasion I'll take the time to develop my words, but how realistic is that really? I can't just take a few minutes to mull over a response to a question. People would be incredibly bored.
As I've grown up, I've kind of come to accept it. I still get embarrassed when it happens, but I tend to brush it off quicker. It's part of who I am, and it probably won't be going away anytime soon.
I think maybe I'm starting to be okay with it.
I may not be able to stop it, but I can at least deal with it.
That's pretty good progress, right?
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